Parasocial Behaviour

On Erling Braut Haaland, fandom, and those that take it too far.

One day a couple of weeks ago I was scrolling TikTok when this very tall blonde man appeared on my screen playing soccer (or football for the purists but I’m Australian and we call it soccer and I’m really not in the mood for arguing semantics here). I knew the FIFA World Cup was happening. We’d watched a couple of games with the Socceroos playing, but I was convinced I wasn’t going to become “invested”.

But this tall blonde Viking kept showing up in my feed.

First on TikTok, then on Threads, then Instagram, and even on Facebook. This man was suddenly everywhere and when he would appear in my feed, I’d watch.

Even knowing next to nothing about the sport itself outside of what can be learned watching Ted Lasso and under 7s soccer, it’s obvious this guy is an incredible footballer. I thought the Norweigan fans doing their very loud and iconic “RO” was awesome. And now I was invested because I became a fan of Erling Braut Haaland.

His appeal boils down to his incredible talent that doesn’t seem to translate into ego off the field, the fact he seems to be really kind to everyone from other players, to officials, to fans, and the largest part that he’s what I’d call a silly goose. [Important side bar to the people in my Threads replies who didn’t read the part where I only “know” him from his World Cup appearances, of course to play at his level there is ego, but it hasn’t appeared—to me, as a new fan—that it is toxic arrogance.]

See: Erling Braut Haaland returning to Norway after being knocked out of the FIFA World Cup with a taxidermied raccoon holding a bottle of whiskey.

I am so pro silly goose, especially in a world that feels like it’s on fire.

I’m of course not the only person who has grown fond of Haaland. He now has 70 million followers on Instagram and counting. My entire algorithm is this blonde man. Celebrities and every day people who have no interest in football are obsessed.

For a fleeting moment my nearly 36-year-old self debated downloading Snapchat so I could keep up with Haaland’s silly goose antics which he seems to share more on that platform than anywhere else. Luckily I touched some metaphorical grass and pulled myself together.

I’m clearly someone who gets drawn into celebrity. This substack after all is called (pop)cultured. I’ve been this way for as long as I remember, even back to seven-year-old Mon who got a Leonardo DiCaprio fact book after getting my first real celebrity crush after seeing him in Titanic (and yes, it was highly inappropriate for my parents to take me, as a seven-year-old to the CINEMA to see Titanic but as Dad has said when I questioned it, it was either take my sister and I along with them or they wouldn’t have seen it). Maybe it’s because my frontal lobe is fully developed, but I only want to see celebrities within the context of their work or by what they choose to share on social media.

Haaland still manages his own social media accounts and he is active. He has his own YouTube channel. He offers the public a glimpse into his life. He is providing content he is seemingly comfortable with and call me old fashioned, but I think that’s where we should draw the line.

Something I have thought was impressive was how well he and Isabel have been able to shield their child from the spotlight. In my Haaland deep dive, I found out he had a son. I think he’s around 18 months old. I have no idea what his name is or what he looks like, which is wonderful. Then on one of my scrolls yesterday I saw paparazzi footage of Haaland and Isabel in Italy where they had flown to see a Dolce & Gabbana Alta Sartoria menswear show. And I’m not talking about the footage of when they were clearly swarmed by people on their way to the show, which is also uncomfortable to see. I’m talking about after where it looks like they’re trying to “leave”. Haaland hangs back while security walk directly in front of Isabel who is holding their child. Thankfully, you still can’t see really see him. But you can see the demeanour shift in Haaland. He clearly hung back because he knew the focus was on him and by not walking close to them he could protect his child and partner. All I felt when I saw this was sad. Sad that this was now their life. Sad that it appeared on my feed.

Despite being popular already for those who watch the Premier League and Champion’s League, the 2026 FIFA World Cup has shot him to superstardom in a way that I feel is only going to be negative for him and his family. I’m very cognisant of the fact that the very act of me writing about him is adding to this.

Now I’m a new fan. I momentarily considered also signing up for Stan Sport so I can watch Manchester City games having discovered this World Cup that I actually rather enjoy watching soccer. Haaland is such an interesting player to watch and I don’t want to have to wait another four years to see him in another World Cup.

But I haven’t had a complete personality transplant. I’m not going to sign up for Stan Sport. I’m going to watch clips on TikTok. Like a normal person.

Because I only want to see him in the context of his public persona, when he’s playing football. When he’s doing the press rounds. Whatever he chooses to share on his public social media accounts.

I have a love hate relationship with social media.

It makes me laugh, it makes me feel things, I get so much joy out of seeing concert clips for artists who I have seen and have yet to see. But I also hate it. I was even saying this to my sister yesterday that sometimes it makes my grief worse when I see mother-daughter relationships play out on social media, something I never got with my mum and something I’m hoping like hell I get to experience with my own kids. I know that it’s something I’m missing, you don’t need to remind me because I’ve never forgotten. But actually seeing examples of it? Well sometimes it’s enough for grief to reach out its spindly hands and pull be further down.

I also hate it because of the way it’s changed society.

Parasocial relationships have gotten worse through social media, especially from personalities like Haaland who do share snippets of their life.

It gives the illusion that you actually know this person and it’s then that the entitlement starts. The thought process that because they share some of their life, you’re owed knowing all of it. That as a public figure, it’s just part of it if paparazzi are stalking you and if fans are following your known whereabouts.

Every few months or so I see Noah Kahan put up an Instagram story asking so politely for his fans to stop finding out where his family lives and going and visiting. For real. In the most recent one he had to ask people to stop stealing the sign for “Alger Brook Road”, a place mentioned in the lyrics of The View Between Villages. In the same story, he asked if anyone knew people at the local county council or whatever the equivalent is called in the US so he could arrange to pay them for the constant replacements and work out a way to stop it from happening again.

That’s wild. That is absolutely wild. I love The View Between Villages. I’ve scream-cried it in my car and in the shower. I’ve written about my main character Marigold in Something You Should Know doing the same thing. Yet it would never occur to me to try and steal the sign (I would for sure take a picture if I came across it) or to try to figure out where Noah or his family live. I am a fan girl but I have my limitations and the overstepping parasocial nature of many fandoms is ruining it for everyone.

With Haaland’s global stardom continuing to rise, it would be only natural if he decides to scale back a bit. To potentially get a social media manager. And as a very new fan, I won’t know any different. But for the long-time fans who have been appropriately engaging with this silly goose for years, I’m pre-sad for what they’re going to lose because people have zero chill.

It doesn’t stop there.

I bloody love a good bromance. And by bromance, I mean male friendships. Key word being friendships. Give me a JD and Turk, a Chandler and Joey any day. So naturally, along with Haaland dominating my feed, I was served Jude Bellingham content as well.

First being swept up by stadiums singing Hey Jude to him after he scored game-winning goals (having a kid share this name and seeing how much he lights up whenever he hears Hey Jude made me emotional). Then you find out Haaland and Bellingham played together in Dortmund and I was served edit after edit of their interactions. I became a fan DOWN. I love it. I love them. I even loved when people started calling it Cleated Rivalry ahead of the Norway & England game in the quarter finals. (Look at me, calling it quarter finals with a confidence I haven’t earnt. May as well call me Sports Mon).

Then I started reading the comments. While most were like me in enjoying this healthy display of male friendship, there were also people convinced they’re secretly in love. Because of course, two men who openly hug and show affection must be in love. Doesn’t matter that they’re both in relationships, apparently these people know something they don’t. Even though I’ve laughed at the Cleated Rivarly comments, can we also not position them as Ilya and Shane?

We saw the same thing happen with the actual Heated Rivalry stars, people convinced that the chemistry between Connor Storrie and Hudson Williams had to be real and not them being exceptionally good at doing their jobs. Thankfully, they both seem to be secure enough for this to not stop them from interacting with each other.

But it’s precisely this type of parasocial behaviour that ruins fandom for everyone.

I am a fan girl through and through. I will scroll endless edits, consume all the content I possibly can, rewatch and reread. I will always be a fan girl. But I don’t know these people and I never will. I don’t want to meet them. I don’t want paparazzi pics and people stalking them to get me or anyone else new content. I think there are lines that are unhealthily crossed.

Like the people who are creating AI generated images of themselves with Haaland, pretending to be his girlfriend, as though Isabel doesn’t exist. Most people are doing this all in good fun, but isn’t anyone finding this a bit weird? I have so many issues with generative AI (you can read about them here), and this is another thing to add to a long list. Could you imagine, just for a moment, being Haaland and scrolling your feed to see yourself pictured alongside someone you’ve never met? Wouldn’t that creep you out entirely? Just because he’s a public figure doesn’t mean he needs to be exposed to this.

We can like someone without doing this. Surely. SURELY.

Or maybe we can’t and maybe that means we don’t get to enjoy Haaland in the way he’s been so willing to share up until now.

Signed,

Non-Sports Mon who is now healthily obsessed with Erling Braut Haaland.

P.S. Now if you’ll excuse me, allow me to go back to the blondest my algorithm has ever been.